The Bachelor - 2013 - Hometown Dates (Week 7)

This week Sean had the hometown dates with the remaining four girls.

AshLee - Houston, TX

Sean’s visit to Houston to meet AshLee’s family was pretty unremarkable. The family was accepting of Sean because they could see that Ash really cared for him.  It was a little awkward when AshLee was describing their beach date and she told her family that it was romantic and that they had rolled around in the sand together.  I’m sure that made Sean feel just peachy with AshLee’s dad sitting right there giving him the evil dad eye.

Catherine - Seattle, WA

This visit was a little more exciting, because Catherine’s sisters were very skeptical, and they kept pointing out all of the bad things about Catherine to Sean:  Oh, she’s messy and she will leave you if you don’t support her dreams, yadda yadda yadda.  I think they were just jealous because Catherine is the prettiest sister, and she’s found a super hot boyfriend.  On the other hand, Grandma loved Sean and even threatened to steal him away from Cat.  This date left Sean a little confused.  You can tell he really likes Catherine, but her sisters sabotaged her a little bit, making Sean wonder if she’s ready for a commitment.

Lindsay - Fort Leonard Wood, MO



I think Lindsay went to the salon before meeting Sean, because her hair and makeup were flawless. This is the best she’s looked since this show started, in my humble opinion. Sean was a little bit nervous about meeting Lindsay’s father, because he’s a 2-star General in the U.S. Army.  To get Sean "army-ready," Lindsay dressed him up in an army t-shirt, and played drill sergeant with him.  It was a cute scene and made Sean laugh.

Lindsay's mom really seemed to like Sean.  The General was concerned about his little girl getting hurt.  Sean asked him for his blessing, and he said that was the toughest question he's ever been asked, but that he did give his blessing that was what his daughter wanted.  He even gave Sean some token dog tags listing the Army values.  Very nice visit!
Desiree - Los Angeles, CA

Desiree took Sean on a hike, though it looked more like a walk to me.  They went to Desiree's house to wait for her family, when there was a knock at the door.  When she opened the door, there was a dude on the doorstep.  A dude who didn't seem to be family.  Awkward!  The dude kept looking at the cameras, probably wondering what the hell was going on.  He proceeds to profess his love for Des....right in front of Sean.  She wanted him to leave, but he got a little belligerent.  Sean tried to get him to leave, as well, and it looked like they were going to throw down!  But before things got out of control, Des yelled, "Gotcha!"  It was a prank, a wee bit of payback for the time Sean pranked Des on their first date to the fake art gallery.  Sean took it well, and laughed about the joke.  What a good sport!

When Desiree's family arrived, everything seemed to be going really well.  They were all laughing together, and the parents loved Sean.  Her brother, Nathan, on the other hand, thought the whole thing was stupid.  He seemed to take the "protective brother" bit a little over the top.  He told Sean that he didn't think Sean reciprocated Desiree's feelings.  He actually called Sean a playboy.  Nathan really came across as a bit of a smartass punk.  It seemed to affect Sean, which is understandable.
Rose Ceremony
Sean said that he felt comfortable with Lindsay and AshLee, but he still had questions about Catherine and Desiree.  I'm sure that the sibling interference had a lot to do with it:  Catherine's sniping sisters, and Desiree's punk ass, meddling brother.



Just when he was about to hand out the first rose, Des asked to speak to him.  She apologized to him for her brother's asshole-ness, and he told her that it was okay.

So, back to the rose ceremony.  Roses went to AshLee, Lindsay, annnnnddddd (drumroll, please!)...oh, crap!  Sean put the rose down, and walked out of the room without a word.  He went back into the deliberation room to stare at their pictures and think a little more.  He said that he had planned on sending Des home, but after her little final plea, he wasn't sure if he could.  But he found a way, because Catherine got the last rose.

When Sean walked Des out, she told him that she thought he was making a huge mistake.  She said it in a sweet way, not in a Jerry Springer way, so it was really heartbreaking!

Bachelor Sean - 2013 - Week 6

Sean heads to St. Croix this week with the final 6 ladies.  Tierra began the drama almost as soon as they arrive, saying that she doesn’t want to share a room with any of the other girls, so she just pulled a cot out into the living area.  {sigh}  Please wake up soon, Sean.  This girl is working on my last nerve.

Sean is not going to give out roses on each date, so that will add to the suspense at the rose ceremony.

One-On-One

AshLee got the first individual date this week.  If you’ll remember, she had a one-on-one back in Week 3, so this is her second one.

Sean and Ash cruised out to their own private island on a gorgeous luxury catamaran.  While they were lounging on the beach Sean asked her if there was still drama in the house.  AshLee was honest, and told him about Tierra isolating herself, and she pretty much laid out how his day-to-day life would be with the psycho, Tierra.  And Sean actually said that he believed what Ash was telling him.  

After all of this honesty, they rolled around in the sand and made out.  That evening, they had a romantic oceanside dinner, and then it was time for more honesty.  Sean asked if there was anything else he needed to know before the hometown dates.  And AshLee began to tell a little story about when she was a teenager and having trouble at home.  There was a lot of “and ummmm” in the telling of this tale of youthful indiscretion, but when she finally got down to it, she said that she had gotten married at the tender age of 17.  Whoa!  Major skeleton in the closet, girlfriend!

But Sean was super understanding, as always.  Then AshLee told him that she loved him, and he didn’t seem freaked out at all.

One-On-One

Tierra got the next individual date.  When the date card arrived, it read that they were going to explore the city.  Tierrable was a little pissy about that, because she said she would sweat and her makeup would get ruined.  She indicated that she would much rather go boating or something.

They shopped around town, buying necklaces, bracelets, snow cones, and soaps.  Then a big wild parade came down the street, and they danced with the folks in the parade and had a big ole time!

As they sat on some steps and ate their snow cones, Sean asked Tierra how things were in the house, and she basically told him that the other girls were jealous of her.  He asked if she could do it again, would she handle herself differently around the other ladies, and she said, “no,” and that those other girls wouldn’t be around much longer.

That evening, Tierra told him that she thought he was a little distant during the day.  He told her that it was because of all the drama in the house.  Oooooh, people, that girl looked like she was ready to spit fire!  A little bit later, she told him that she cared about him and hoped that their “journey” would continue.  [Cliché alert!]  Then she just smiled really creepily at him for a while, and then hugged him, and whispered in his ear that she was falling in love with him.  It was a little awkward, in my opinion.


Group Date

This is the final group date, and Sean woke the girls up before sunrise…and took pictures of them without their makeup.  But they didn’t complain too much, because there was a rose to be given on this date.

So, he took the ladies to the east side of the island to watch the sun rise.  Apparently, this is the farthest place east in the United States, so they were the first ones in the U.S. to see this particular sunrise.  Then, they headed on a road trip, west across the island of St. Croix.  They all got along and had a blast stopping at various attractions on the way to the western beach.

They played around in the water, and then Sean took time with each girl on the beach.  His talk with Lindsay was fun and playful, interspersed with some fairly hot kissing.  

Catherine’s was more serious, as she had to explain why Sean wouldn’t be meeting her father if he came to her hometown.  Her father had some depression issue and attempted suicide when Cat was a teen.  He was taken away, but she still has a little bit of contact with him.  However, he would not be meeting Sean.  You could tell that she was quite uncomfortable talking about this, and Sean gave her props for opening up and sharing this with him.  Then they kissed.  [Side note:  Catherine looked GORGEOUS without makeup while out on the beach.  I would kill for that skin tone!]

Desiree got choked up when she talked about Sean meeting her family.   It didn’t show them kissing, but maybe they did and it was just edited out.  Or maybe Sean’s lips were just tired.

The date rose went to Lindsay.

One-On-One

Lesley had the next one-on-one date.  She looked adorable in a white fitted top and a watermelon-colored sheer skirt.  Sean wanted a chilled out date so they could talk and see where their relationship was.  They walked around some pretty gardens and picked fruit.  When they talked, she averted her gaze a lot.  She wanted to tell Sean that she loved him, but couldn’t find the right moment, so it made her seem uncomfortable to Sean.  They did kiss some, but overall, I don’t think this date went very well.

Extracurricular Activities

Sean met with his sister, Shay, so he could get some advice on what to do.  And they actually sat in regular chairs, and not on a couch!  WHAT?  Sean indicated to her that he didn’t currently have a front-runner, which I think he’s required by contract to say at this point.  Shay warned him that several times during different seasons of The Bachelor, she and the rest of America were watching and saying, “Nooooo, not THAT one.”  And then the Bach ended up with THAT one (Courtney and Vienna, for example).  You could see the wheels turning in his head, and I’m pretty sure he was thinking the same thing I was:  Tierra is THAT one.  His sister had warned him before he came on that show, that if there is a girl that can’t get along with any of the other girls, she is trouble.  Good advice, Shay!

Meanwhile, trouble was brewing back at the hotel.  Tierra was trying to call AshLee out for causing tension between her and Sean.  She said that “everyone” was trying to sabotage her.  AshLee told her to name one person, but Tierra couldn’t, of course.  So, Tierra proceeded to insult AshLee because of her age (32).  Then they moved their discussion into the other room, where some of the other girls watched.  Lots of yelling ensued, with some key quotes from Tierra:
“Men love me.”
“They said, ‘Tierra, you have a sparkle.’”  (Quoting her parents)
“I cannot control my eyebrow.”

This girl is one French fry short of a Happy Meal.  Seriously.

Sean came in shortly afterward, because he had decided to take Tierra to meet Shay and get her take on this controversial gal.  Of course, Tierrable was having a crying meltdown.  “Whine whine whine, I’m so sensitive.”  She admitted that she confronted AshLee, and Sean didn’t seem real happy about that.

Sean went outside to think, and finally had a bit of an "awakening."  He went back in the house and told Tierra that he thought this whole thing was too hard for her, so he was going to let her go home.  In the limo ride of shame, she cried and once again referenced her "sparkle."  What are you, girl?  Five years old?  Geez!

Rose Ceremony

Tierra was gone, and Lindsay had the group date rose, so the final three roses went to:  AshLee, Catherine, and Desiree.  This means that Lesley went home on this most difficult of weeks.  See you for hometown dates in the next episode!

Bachelor Sean - 2013 - Week 5 (Part 2)

This episode was shown during Week 5 as part of a two-night special.  Sean and the ladies are in Canada at Lake Louise.

One-On-One

The ever-patient Catherine received the first one-on-one date this week.  

The producers of this show, in their infinite wisdom, have Catherine waiting outside in the middle of a blizzard for Sean, when a giant snow bus shows up, with Sean driving.  I never even knew there was such a thing as a snow bus, but I’m from Texas, and we obviously don’t need such vehicles down here.  Just give us our air-conditioned cars and trucks, and we are happy.

Catherine was told that they would be looking for a glacier today, so she bundled up into a red snow suit, and really looked quite beautiful.  With Sean driving the bus up a snowy mountain and Catherine playing commentator on the bus’s PA system, this was actually one of the coolest dates I’ve seen on this show.  They ended up in Jasper National Park, and Sean pulled his date around on a toboggan or sled or some kind of apparatus I’ve never used before.  Again, Texas…hellooooo?  I’m not meant to know these things, people.  But it looked really fun playing in the snow, and they really seemed to like each other a LOT.

For the evening portion of the date, they met up back at The Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise.  They went outside, where Sean had a horse-drawn carriage waiting for them.  They had a romantic ride to an ice castle that was built especially for their date.  How cool is that?

[Side note:  I really feel sorry for guys these days, because this show causes unrealistic expectations.  Can you imagine taking a woman out on a date the week after she’s watched this episode?  The guy suggests dinner and a movie, and the woman gets pissed that he didn’t build her a friggin’ ice castle.]

Of course, there is a couch in the ice castle (because The Bachelor has obviously invested in some furniture company), so they cuddled up under a blanket and talked.  Catherine talked about seeing a friend of hers die when a tree fell on her at summer camp when she was 12.  She said that this event caused her to see that life can be taken away so quickly and taught her to value life even more.

Sean told Catherine how special she is, and gave her the date rose.  You can tell by the smile on his face that he really likes this girl and feels so comfortable with her.  And I think she feels the same way.  They just have that silly goo-goo look on their faces when they look at each other.  Awwwwwwww, so sweet! 

Then they shared a kiss hot enough to melt the dang ice castle.  This kiss got a 9.1 on the Opto-Mom Hotness Scale, which is calibrated weekly by a team of experts.

Group Date

There was a little bit of controversy about this, because neither Tierra nor Daniella have had an individual date, and yet they were both chosen for the group date instead of the 2nd one-on-one.  Desiree is the only one left without a date this week, so she’s obviously going to get the individual date, even though she already had one earlier this season.

Sean said that he had an exhilarating date planned that would challenge the ladies.  If I’m going on a date, I’m not sure I want “exhilarating” and “challenge” being used together to describe it.  

Anyway, they were getting in canoes to row across the lake, and Sean asked which girl wanted to ride in his canoe.  (Is that some type of euphemism?  If not, it really should be.)  Lesley called out first, so she got to ride with Sean.  Some of the other girls were pissed, but hey!  She called it!  “Calling it” is the final say-so.  Haven’t these girls ever been to 3rd grade?  Geez!

Sarah, the one-armed girl, struggled with canoeing, but she really tried hard.  I would like to say that she looked AH-mazing on this date, with a tan jacket and a bright coral scarf.

When they got across the lake, they noticed some tents set up near the shore.  All of the girls were hoping for fires, roasting marshmallow, hot tubs, etc.  However, Sean had something TOTALLY different planned for them.  He told them that they were going to try to join the Polar Bear Club.  If you’re not aware of what this is, crazy people walk out into a near frozen body of water all the way until they are totally submerged.  I know about this because my dad is a member of the Polar Bear Club.  {APPLAUSE HERE}  He did it in Alaska, and got a jacket to prove it.  I think I deserve to be in the Club, because I ran out of hot water during my shower one day last week, and it was really rough.  Also, I walked to the mailbox with short sleeves on yesterday, and it was like, 60 degrees outside.  Now, hurry up and bring me my special Polar Bear jacket, y’all!

Selma decided not to do the plunge, using the excuse that she’s from Baghdad and that she is more of a warm weather person.  I think she’s just sealed her fate, and will NOT get the date rose.  All of the other girls were “doing it for Sean.”  I feel a certain amount of respect for Selma for standing up to this insanity.  As I’ve said before, if you have to have EMTs standing by for your dating activities, then maybe you need to re-think your date planning.

Of course, there was drama on this date, and guess who was the master dramatizer?  If you guessed anyone other than Tierra, then you obviously haven‘t been paying attention to this blog.  Get with the program, people!  Everyone jumped into the water and then got right back out, including Tierra.  However, ONLY Tierra got “hypothermia,” which is code for “trying to get sympathy points to get a rose” on this show.  Ambulances were called, and there was a lot of hullaballoo, including Sean going to cuddle with her after she received medical attention.  Sean even mentioned that she always finds a way to get some alone time with him.  Well, DUUUUHH!

So, everyone was having a great time at the evening party, because the Drama Queen was still in bed.  However, Tierrable had other ideas.  She got out of bed, and did her full hair and makeup and showed up at the party.  She obviously expected to get the rose for her bravery and persistence.  However, Sean ended up giving the group date rose to Lesley.  Tierra looked SHOCKED, and said she didn’t think it was fair that Lesley got the rose instead of her.  Oh, well, sweet cheeks.  Looks like you’re going to have to do more than fake hypothermia to impress Sean.

Oh, and during the evening party, Sarah broke out the family pictures and told Sean that she really wanted him to meet her family.  Uh oh!  I think she just got a little too serious at this point in the game.  Sean said during an interview after the party that he didn’t see forever with Sarah, and that he didn’t want to hurt her.  Sooooo, he went to where the girls were staying and took Sarah outside, where he very politely sent her home.

One-On-One

Desiree was the first chick to get a second individual date, even though neither Daniella nor Tierra have had one yet.  I don’t think Sean is that into Daniella.  I think he just keeps her to look at, because she’s very pretty, but he doesn’t feel strongly enough about her to give her a one-on-one.  I think Tierra hasn’t had an individual date because the producers like for her to go on group dates and aggravate the piss out of the other contestants.

Now, back to the date.  Des and Sean are up on a mountain, and Sean tells her that they are going to rappel down the mountain to a picnic.  Then there was a lot of foo-foo talk about relationships being about taking a chance and trusting each other by jumping off of a mountain.  [Side note/digression/rant:  You don’t HAVE to do dangerous stuff to prove that you are committed to each other.  I have been married for almost 19 years, and the most dangerous thing we have done is drinking the water in Mexico on our honeymoon.]

I always like how they make them wear helmets on these adventures.  If you fall 400 feet to the ground, I’m pretty sure the broken neck or multiple internal organ ruptures will make you just as dead as landing on your unprotected noggin.

Anyhoo, they made it down safely, and there was more talk of accomplishment and conquering fears, blah blah blah.  So, they had a picnic and talked about their relationship and kissed a lot.  Then Desiree challenged Sean to climb a nearby tree, so they both expertly climbed it and kissed some more.  That was actually the coolest part of the date because it was REAL.

For the evening portion of the date, they walked through the woods to a large teepee, where there was a little couch.  (OMG, with the couches, people!  Really?  A friggin’ couch in a friggin’ tent?)  Desiree talked about her family and their humble background.  At one point, the family lived in a tent for a few months when they didn’t have anywhere else to live.  I wonder if they had a couch in their tent…..

So, Sean gave Des the date rose and they kissed some more.  They REALLY like kissing each other.  Sean seems uncomfortable kissing some of the girls, but he’s really natural with Des.  Could be a sign.


Rose Ceremony

Selma, if you will remember, did not do the Polar Bear Plunge on the group date.  During the cocktail party, she was a little concerned that she didn’t “put herself out there” like the other girls.  (That brings our “putting a self out there” total up to 4 for the season.)  Selma is also a little concerned that she hasn’t kissed Sean because of her culture, so she gives him a little tiny smackeroo on the lips.  Then she said that kissing someone on national TV was a huge shame for her family.  Oh, grow up!  It’s not like you were boinking in public or anything!  I’m sure your culture also doesn’t approve of you dating a man who has been dating and kissing 20-something other girls while also dating you.  After the kiss, Sean’s face got all red, and he seemed just a inordinately gaga over such a minor little kiss.

Lindsay, on the other hand, told Sean that she was going to try to make the most of their time together, so she wasn’t going to kiss him.  So Sean asked her to tell him something that he doesn’t know about her.  She replied with a giggle, “I sleep naked.”  Oh, for Pete’s sake!  Couldn’t she have said she feeds the homeless, or her mother was a gypsy, or she eats ear wax?  Nooooo, she’s gotta talk about being naked, and now Sean is probably getting really sexually frustrated, and she won’t even kiss him.  Ok, never mind….she ended up giving in, and they sucked face for a while.

AshLee told Sean that she has always had trouble giving up control, because of her abandonment issues as a child.  So she gave Sean a blindfold to signify that she was giving him control and trust.  He put it on her, carried her around, and then kissed her.  I really hope he’s using Binaca between all of these girls, because, ummmmmm, ewww!

Before Sean handed out the roses, Chris Harrison addressed the ladies and told them that Sean has noticed that they were really “putting themselves out there.”  Oh, how I despise that term!

The girls who had roses coming into the ceremony are Desiree, Catherine, and Lesley (who looks lovely with her hair up, by the way).  Sarah has already been sent home, so that leaves Sean with 3 roses to hand out amongst 5 anxiously waiting women.  Receiving roses during the ceremony were:  Lindsay, AshLee, and .........Tierra.  

Daniella and Selma were sent home, and after Selma shamed her entire family, and everything!

Wow, readers!  There are only 6 ladies left, and next week they are all headed to St. Croix and the U.S. Virgin Islands.  Now, that's what I'm talkin' about!

My predictions for next week:  Tierra will finally get a one-on-one date, since she's the only one left who hasn't had one.  The other will go to Lesley or AshLee.

_______________________________________________

Cliché Totals:

Putting oneself out there:  5

Journey:  7

Bachelor Sean - 2013 - Week 5 (Part 1)

This week was a two-fer in Bachelor Land, with episodes on Monday AND Tuesday night.  WooooHoooo!  Double the cray-cray, double the fun!  So, I'm doing two separate posts this week.

Week 5 started when Chris Harrison came to the mansion and told the girls that they should pack their bags, because they are taking this show on the road!  First stop:  Montana.  

Mon-freaking-tana?  Whatever happened to Tahiti or the Bahamas?


One-On-One

The first individual date for this week went to Lindsay.

Sean picked her up in a helicopter and they took a chopper tour of Glacier National Park, which was really beautiful, and blah blah blah.  They landed and had a picnic at Blackfeet Indian Reservation and discussed who was more outdoorsy.  They played kissy-face for a little bit, and that’s about all they showed of this part of the date.  

That evening, they sat in a lodge-type place and discussed their lives.  Then they engaged in a bit more smooching in front of a roaring fire.  Sean gave her the date rose, and then they went to a concert by Sarah Darling.  

I’m assuming I am supposed to know who Sarah Darling is, but uhhhhh….not so much.  One of the songs she sang sounded vaguely familiar.  I think the producers should get The Artist Formerly Known and Now Known Again As Prince.  That might lead to a little bump-and-grind, and spice this show up a bit!

Group Date
This group date consisted of another competition, annnnnd here are your teams:

The date started with the girls and Sean walking along a country path.  They came upon some bleating critters, and one of the girls (I couldn't tell who) actually asked, “Are those dogs?”  Ummmm, perhaps she’s never seen a friggin’ live GOAT before, but surely everyone has seen one in books, right?  Mercy!  I think that whoever said it should have been sent home immediately for sheer ignorance.

So, the challenge for the group date is like a giant redneck obstacle course.  The girls will have a canoe race, and then have to carry and stack some hay.  Next, they have to saw through a 12 inch log, milk a goat, and then drink the milk.  I think I hear banjoooooooes!

The losing team will have to go back to the hotel, and the winning team gets to continue the date with Sean.

The Blue team had a big lead coming out of the canoe race, but blew it in the hay-carrying challenge.  So the Red was ahead in the cross-cut and the goat milking, but UH OH!  The goat kicked their jar of milk over and they had to start that again.  But they still got done first, with Desiree chugging the goat milk.  (Shouldn’t that be, like, pasteurized, or something?)

So, the Red Team were the victors and they had a little champagne toast with Sean.  I’m betting that they enjoyed the champagne better than the goat milk.

During an interview, Sean admitted that he really didn’t want to send the Blue Team home, so he decided to bend the rules a little and invite them to join the party, too.  The Blue girls were already back at the hotel getting ready for bed, but were thrilled to get ready and go see their man instead!  Red Team?  Not so thrilled about their return.

But, it was about to get even more kooky.  Guess who?  Yep, Tierra the Tierrable.  Tierra decided that she wasn’t sure exactly what Sean was thinking at a precise moment, so she took off to find him, and interrupted him in the middle of an interview.  Seriously?  Cling much, Tierra?  She told him that she was disappointed that she got a two-on-one date (more on that to follow), instead of a one-on-one.  I’m not sure why this information was so vital that she had to share it with him while he’s on a date with the other girls, but Sean just said he felt sorry for Tierra instead of getting annoyed.  UGH!  Why does he coddle her?

Sean tried to take time to chat with each girl, but Daniella went looking for him and saw him and Catherine all cuddled up and looking happy.  So, Daniella got upset that he’s making connections with other girls and cried when she talked to Sean later.  Then he gave her the group date rose, because he’s a big softy.

Two-On-One

No one wants to be on the ominous two-on-one date because only one person gets a rose, and the other person goes home, so it‘s kind of stressful, right?  But Tierra, the little psycho, was positively giddy.  At first.  Until she decided that she wanted more attention and went and interrupted Sean while he was on the group date.  

On the day of the two-on-one date, Tierrable was acting so smug, because she thought that her little whining session with Sean the night before gave her an advantage.  I’m seeing a lot of Courtney and Vienna in this gal, and we all know that it didn’t work out too well for either of them in the end.

During their private time on the date, Jackie decided to warn Sean about Tierra.  Do these girls ever learn?  Every single person in the house can warn the Bachelor about some shrew, and the more they are warned, the more they are determined to hang onto said shrew.  When Tierra talked to Sean, she mentioned that some guy she had loved in the past died and that’s why she’s a Stage 4 Clinger.  Well, of course Sean fell for that crap and ended up giving Tierrable the rose, and Sweet Jackie was sent packing.

Cliché alert!  Tierra and Jackie each mentioned that she “put herself out there.”  That’s twice on one date! 

Rose Ceremony

Going into the Rose Ceremony, Lindsay, Daniella, and Tierra all have roses and are safe.

During the cocktail party, Sean overhears Tierra in one of her rants, and becomes concerned that maybe he’s been fooled and she’s not quite as sweet as a glass of Southern iced tea.  But hey, buddy!  You ignored everything the other women have been telling you, and gave poor little Tierra the rose; therefore, you’re stuck with her manipulative ass for another week.  So put on your big boy undies and stop with the self-pity.

Receiving roses during the ceremony:  Selma, Catherine, Lesley, AshLee, Sarah, and Desiree.  

So this week, we lost Jackie (during the Two-On-One date) and Robyn (during the Rose Ceremony).

During the preview for the rest of the season, Sean discussed his “journey” and actually managed to say it twice in one sentence, so that brings us to our cliché total for the season.

Putting oneself out there:  3

Journey:  7

And don't worry!  Part Two of this 5th week is coming up soon, so stay tuned!

Bachelor Sean - 2013 - Week 4

Week 4 started out with 13 girls:  Lesley M., Lindsay, AshLee, Tierra, Leslie H., Catherine, Daniella, Robyn, Selma, Sarah, Jackie, Amanda, and Desiree.

One-On-One

Selma got the first individual date, and all the rest of the girls cried and whined because it wasn’t them.  Selma really went all out to get ready for this date, donning a gray tank top, black stretchy Capri pants, and tennis shoes.  They took a limo to the airport, where they got on a private plane and jetted off to….a desert?  Though Selma is Iraqi, she said she was not a big fan of the heat.  This date may not go well.

Sean and Selma hopped into an open jeep and cruised to Joshua Tree National Park, because Sean wanted to see if Miss Glamorous could rough it.  Selma discussed her fear of heights, and then Sean told her they were going to rock climb.  Ruh roh!  Things were "a little rocky" at first, but then Selma found her inner ass kicker, and made it to the top with gusto.

That evening, Sean took Selma to an RV “theme park” for dinner.  It was basically a bunch of trailer houses with different themes in each trailer, and was actually pretty darn cute!  They lounged around outside the trailers, and talked about love and families.  Selma was born in Baghdad, and grew up in a conservative Muslim household, where they were not even allowed to date in public.  Soooooo, she had to tell Sean that she can’t kiss him on national TV where her family might see.  I’m guessing that cuddling up under a blanket with Sean rubbing on her bare arms would probably be frowned upon, as well; but, apparently that’s okay in their culture.

Sean said he respected her decision, and he gave her the date rose.  They kept discussing how much they wanted to kiss and I was like, “Kiss de girl!”  I’ll bet they kissed after the cameras were turned off.

Group Date

Lindsay, Robyn, Jackie, Catherine, Amanda, AshLee, Sarah, and Tierra were chosen for the group date.

Sean took these ladies to a roller derby rink.  I’m not sure of the object of roller derby, except that hot girls roll around really fast and knock each other down.  Amanda psyched the other contestants out by telling them that she’s done roller derby before, even though she hadn’t.  Tierra said she wanted to “knock some biatches out.”  Such a lovely girl. Sarah had poor balance because (as she’s told us EVERY SINGLE TIME she’s interviewed) she only has one arm.  She cried and AshLee gave her a pep talk.  Robyn kept busting her ass every time she tried to stand up.

Amanda ended up face-planting right on her chin, and the medic had to come and check her out.  They took her to the hospital to make sure her jaw wasn’t shattered, because that would just be full of suckage right there.

[Sidenote: If you have to have an ambulance on standby every time you go on a date, then perhaps you should pick some different dating activities.  Maybe a robust game of “Rock, Paper, Scissors” would be nice.]

Sean is a smart guy, and decided to just have “free skate” instead of a roller derby competition.  Took me back to Junior High there for a little bit with the disco ball and the hand holding and m-m-m-my sharona….  Oh, sorry.  I got carried away.  But now you’ve got My Sharona stuck in your head, don’t you?  You’re welcome!

Sean and the girls (minus Amanda…hope she's not dead) sat on a giant sectional couch to relax and have some drinks.

After they talked for a while, Amanda showed up and got some sympathy points from Sean.  Then Robyn asked a question of two other girls, but didn’t ask Tierra the same question, so Tierra flipped the hell out and said that she couldn’t take it anymore.  The cameras interviewed an overly dramatic Tierra sobbing that she can’t stand to be tortured like that.  Torture?  Really?  Perhaps we should send this little drama queen to a children’s cancer hospital if she thinks dealing with other women WHILE LIVING IN A FRIGGIN’ MANSION AND DRINKING CHAMPAGNE EVERY NIGHT is so tragic.  So she went and found Sean and interrupted him and Lindsay on the way to the hot tub.  Much ballyhoo and whining ensued, but Sean calmed her down, and told her to wait for a minute.  Then he went and got the damn date rose and gave it to her, much to the shock of the other girls who had witnessed her little hissy fit.  I guess it’s like they say:  The squeaky bitch gets the rose….or something like that.

One-On-One

Leslie H. got the next date card, along with a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings.

Sean picked up his lovely date in a convertible and took her for a shopping date on Rodeo Drive.  He told her it was kind of like the movie Pretty Woman, which implies that he thinks she might actually be a hooker.  She didn’t get insulted, but I guess I wouldn’t either if I had gotten a pair of diamond earrings that were almost as big as Roseanne Barr’s left ass cheek.  So, she picked out a beautiful dress, some sexy shoes, and a new purse.  Then she referenced Pretty Woman too, and said that Sean was like a blond Richard Gere.  Maybe, since he practically called her a streetwalker, she’s implying that he sticks gerbils in his manhole.  (Go google “Richard Gere gerbil” if you don’t know what I’m talking about here.)


Now, what are they going to do in their new fancy duds?  First of all, they went to Neil Lane jewelry store, where Neil gave her a loaded necklace with almost 120 carats of diamonds.  Hey, just like mine!  Except mine only has one diamond, and it’s actually a cubic zirconia, and it came from Target.  But other than that we’re almost twins, Leslie!

During an interview, Sean said that Leslie has so many great attributes, but that he just wasn’t feeling a romantic connection.  So, he told her that he couldn’t give her the date rose.  I am quite sad, because I was loving her personality.  Her smile was amazing, and I just want her to come over to my house and smile at me first thing every morning so I’ll have a super sparkly day.  

Rose Ceremony

Tierra decided to apologize to Robyn and Jackie about how she acted on the group date.  She admitted during her interview that the apology was totally fake.  The other girls figured out that she's just playing the game and being manipulative, so that was the topic of discussion for most of the cocktail party.  Catherine said she was Tierrable.  Hee hee, I think I love Catherine!

Speaking of Catherine....she's been flying under the radar a bit, but when they showed her and Sean talking, they seemed to really have a connection.  It's like they only had eyes for each other, so they took a walk away from the prying eyes of the other girls for some kissy face time.  It was a really sweet and emotional kiss, though not overly passionate and slurpy.  

So who got roses?  Well, Selma and Tierrable Tierra already had roses, so they were safe.  Receiving roses during the ceremony were:  Catherine, Desiree, Lindsay, Lesley, Robyn, AshLee, Sarah, Jackie, and Daniella.  This means that Crazy Amanda was sent home.  Which was good because her lipstick looked like crap at the Rose Ceremony.  It was some kind of dark burgundy, almost black, and just ewwwww!  Sean can't be expected to marry someone with that kind of poor taste in lip hues.

Bachelor Sean - 2013 - Week 3

Ok, here we are at Week 3, already, and there are 16 ladies left for Sean.  So, let's see what happened this week!

One-on-One

The first one-on-one date this week was with Lesley M.  She looked stunning in a form-fitting peach lace dress.  

Lesley and Sean went to a Guinness Book of World Records museum.  Chris Harrison told them that they were going to try to set the record for longest on-screen kiss.  The previous record was 3 minutes and 15 seconds, but this Bachelor couple had to try to beat the record in front of a big crowd of people cheering them on.

Lesley and Sean shared a big ole long close-mouthed kiss, and ended up breaking the previous record.  The kiss was a little awkward in front of all those people, and because it was just lips touching, and not really a true liplock.  They did seem to use their hands quite a bit, and Sean even grabbed her booty once.  You go, boy!

That evening, they sat on a random couch and talked.  I swear, I’ve never seen so many couches in my life as I have on this show.  Everywhere they go, there is a plethora of couches for the couple to sit on and talk and smooch.  Speaking of smooching, they shared another kiss (on the nondescript couch in a nondescript location), and this one was much better, about an 8 on the Opto-Mom Hotness Scale.

They both admitted that they had feelings for each other, and Sean gave Lesley the date rose.  Cue more kissing...and confetti...WTF?  Confetti?  This show is weird.

________________________________________________________
Group Date

On this date, Sean takes some girls to the beach:  Kacie, Robyn, Leslie H.,  Kristy, Catherine, Desiree, Taryn, Amanda, Lindsay, Daniella, Jackie, and Tierra

(This leaves Selma, AshLee, and Sarah without a date yet.  Sarah went on a one-on-one last week, so it’s between Selma and AshLee for the next one-on-one this week.)

The beach girls are split into 2 teams to play a volleyball game.  The team that loses, goes back to the mansion immediately, while the winning team gets to stick around and hang out with the Bach for the evening.  Here are the teams:

Sooooooo, all of the girls were rockin' their bikinis and looking awesome, even though they kinda sucked at volleyball.  But the Blue Team ended up winning and the Red Team ended up whining.  (You see what I did there?  Winning....whining?  I'm not sure where my talent comes from.)

Later that night, Sean and Lindsay chatted and then shared a big slurpy kiss.  It wasn’t slurpy gross, though; it was slurpy hot.  Rating:  8.5!

Sean spent time with Desiree and told her he liked her confidence.  She gave him a couple little kisses, and then said during her interview that she thought she was very confident that she was getting the group date rose.

Pouty Amanda turned into a little ball of sunshine when she talked to Sean.  Desiree and the other girls discussed how creepy Amanda is.

Kacie said that she didn’t think Sean would tolerate drama, so she told him about the sniping between Des and Amanda.  Sean asked Kacie why she was bringing it up to him, and she said she felt like she was stuck in the middle.  Ummmmm, what?  I like Kacie, but she really wasn’t making much sense, and I think she was stirring the pot a little bit.  Sean told her he wanted her to act like Kacie and not like some “crazy person.”  Whoa!

Sean ended up giving the rose to Lindsay.

________________________________________________________

One-on-One

The next one-on-one date went to AshLee, but before they could leave, Tierra fell down the stairs.  She bumped her head, and Sean was concerned that she had a concussion.  The paramedics came, but she refused to go to the hospital.  Of course, Sean, being a gentleman, went to comfort her.  AshLee had to just sit and wait for her date to start while Sean and Tierra cuddled on yet another couch.

The date is at Six Flags Magic Mountain, and Sean and Ash have the park all to themselves.  (That would totally be a dream come true for me!  I love amusement parks, but hate the lines and all of the idiots that flock to these places.)

But wait!  Sean tells her that they won't exactly have the whole park just to themselves...he's got a couple of girls he wants to hang out with him.  But these weren't other contestants; they were 2 chronically ill young ladies (both have mitochondrial disease) who were going to share Six Flags with them!  Very sweet!!!

Sean liked AshLee's compassion and sweetness with the girls, and everyone had a great time.  They all four capped off their night with a private concert by the Eli Young Band.

Sean and Ash found another friggin' couch somewhere to spend some alone time.  AshLee told Sean that she has always wanted to adopt a child, and he shared that he also wants to adopt.  Ash said that she was adopted at age 6, but had been physically abused in a foster home before her adoption.  Sean seemed to get a little teary-eyed when she was talking about the family that adopted her and their love for each other.    

Sean gave her the date rose, and they kissed.  Only about 6 on the hotness scale, but it was a really sweet kiss with a lot of gazing into each other's eyes before and after.

________________________________________________________

Rose Ceremony


Going into the ceremony, Lesley M., Lindsay, and AshLee are safe.  

Before the ceremony started, Sean told Kacie that he just wants to be friends and sent her home.  {Gasp!}  Maybe he's really serious about not taking any crap or putting up with drama this season.

Tierra, Leslie H., Catherine, Daniella, Robyn, Selma, Sarah, Jackie, Amanda, and Desiree all received roses.  

So that means bye-bye to SupahModel Kristy and Taryn (and Kacie, who got booted before the ceremony).

Down to 13!

Shockingly, there were no mentions of "journeys" or "putting oneself out there" this week.  Not that I heard anyway.  But, don't you worry!  I will stay on top of this, as this is very important research, people.  Very. Important.

The Bachelor Sean - 2013 - Week 2

It’s Week 2 of The Bachelor….let the poop storm begin!

[Cue gratuitous Sean-in-the-shower scene.]

As you know, we are counting some of the ridiculous phrases that always abound on these shows.  At the end of last week, the word “journey” was used again, so that’s 4 times total for Week 1.  At the beginning of this episode, Sean says it again, so now we’re up to 5.  “Putting myself/yourself out there” has only been uttered once.  Give ‘em time.  This is one of their favorite phrases on this show.

One-On-One Date

The first one-on-one date of the season went to Sarah.  Sean arrived to pick her up in a helicopter, and all of the other girls gasped with amazement.  What?  A helicopter?  OMG!  Seriously, have these girls never seen this show before?  

Anyway, Sarah looked lovely for the date.  Her eyes looked amazing.  Kudos to whoever did her makeup.  Sarah and Sean ride around L.A. in the chopper, and then land on top of a really tall building.  (I'm smelling an adventure date.  How 'bout you?)  He tells her that they are going to free-fall 300 feet to get to a champagne toast down below them, because, apparently, this skyscraper does not have an elevator or stairs.....weird, huh?  But they are going to do it togetherrrrr, because Sarah trusts Sean after knowing him for 2 whole hours!  

[One day, someone is going to get seriously hurt or dead on this show doing one of these ridiculous stunts.  Then we're going to have to sit through an entire Bachelor-themed memorial service while people tell us that ______ always "put herself out there" and died while experiencing this amazing "journey," blah blah blah.]

Well, they made it through the jump okay, so no sappy memorial this week.  For the evening portion of the date, Sarah changed into a sexy black dress, which looked fabulous on her.  She told Sean a story about when she tried to go zip-lining with her dad.  They filled out the paperwork and even got strapped in, when an employee came up and told her that she couldn't zip-line because of a state law prohibiting people with physical disabilities from participating.  It really upset her that someone told her that she couldn't do something she really wanted to do.  So she was thrilled that Sean took her on an adventure date and didn't patronize her.

They talked some more, and then Sean gave Sarah a rose and a kiss.  The kiss was about a 5 on the Opto-Mom hotness scale.
                                                                                                                                              

Group Date

The group date consisted of these lovely ladies:

I know these girls were ready for some fun and bonding with each other, and were totally prepared to take turns spending time with Sean.  Bahahaha!  Okay, I'm totally kidding.  It was catfight central, as usual.

They met Sean at a big mansion, and were told that they were doing a romance shoot for Harlequin Romance.  AND.....the girl with the hottest scene with Sean would have their photos featured on three Harlequin novel covers.  So, immediately, Supahmodel Kristy begins telling everyone who would listen that she's a professional at this, and she would be winning.  Tierra got on everyone's nerves with her possessiveness.

All of the girls seemed to have fun with their own shoots with Sean, and, of course, got jealous of the other girls when they were shooting.  Lesley M. and Sean did a cowboy scene, and they looked genuinely hot for each other, and even shared a gentle kiss.  Supahmodel Kristy, however, decided to go all attack-y during her scene, and she was pulling on Sean and smushing her breasts into him.  They did come across pretty steamy on film, and Supah ended up winning the 3-cover deal.  She was VERY excited about the cover deal, but didn't really mention Sean, just that SHE was the winner!  Gee...narcissistic much?  I think she's just there to further her career.

During the evening part of the date, Sean reassured Kacie that he does want to explore the possibility of a romantic relationship between them. 

He and Lesley ended up kissing.  The first kiss was a little bland (about a 4), but Sean loosened up and their second kiss was closer to a 6.5.  

Tierra was pouty and wouldn't sit by the other girls, even though they asked her to come sit with them.  Sean had a talk with her and told her that he understood how she was feeling.  He really gets kind of a goofy look on his face when he's talking to Tierra.  I think she'll be around for a while unless she lets her psycho flag fly too early and freaks Sean out.

Katie showed her apprehension and discomfort with the whole Bachelor scene, and told Sean that she wanted to go home.

Sean ended up giving the rose to Kacie, and, while all of the other girls were disappointed, Tierra was madder than a wet hen.  Guess she's just going to have to learn to suck it up if she wants to be there for the long haul.

                                                                                                                                              

One-On-One Date

The next lucky lady to get an individual date was Desiree.

Sean decided he wanted to test Desiree's sense of humor by pulling a little prank on her.  The Bachelor people set up a fake art gallery, and one of the most "expensive" pieces was set to break while Desiree was in that room alone.  This would make her think that she had broken it, hence the prank.

[Side note:  Des looked smokin' in her little black dress that she wore to the "gallery."]

So, Sean and Desiree were offered the chance to look at one of the artist's most expensive works in the back room.  One of the producers interrupted and pulled Sean away for an interview, leaving Des alone in the room with the art.  BUT, Sean was actually in the next room watching on a hidden camera.

Golly, a hidden camera.  I hope she doesn't dig her underwear out of her butt or pick her nose or something.

Desiree was sitting quietly, when the piece of art just crashed to the ground and shattered!  She walked to the door to get someone, and the artist came in and was visibly upset about the ruination of his "priceless" work of art.  Poor Des!

Sean decided to stop being a big meanie, and went in to tell the sweet girl that it was all a joke.  She laughed and was an excellent sport about the whole thing, which is exactly what I think he was looking for.

They went back to Sean's place for dinner and discussed their families.  Their family and parents were very similar, which seemed to deepen Sean and Des's comfort and bond with each other.  

The couple put their swimsuits on and sat in the hot tub, where he gave her the date rose.  Then they made out a lot, and it was the hottest so far, an 8 on the Opto-Mom hotness scale.

                                                                                                                                              

Rose Ceremony

Hey!  Do you remember Lindsay, the drunken, bachelor-molesting bride from last week?  She told Sean that her dad is an Army general.  Whoa!  They had a great conversation, and I think Lindsay is off the bubble for now.

Amanda turned into Little Miss Pouty Pants because she hadn't gotten to talk to Sean yet, or maybe because somebody peed in her champagne.  I don't know, but she was glaring at people and rolling her eyes, and looking really pissy.  Plus she was wearing a neon yellow top with big roses on the shoulders.  All of this together made her resemble a terroristic pinata.  It was really quite creepy.  Later, when Sean came to speak with her, she turned into Little Miss Freakin' Sunshine, laughing and giggling!  This gal's gotta be bipolar, or something.

Robyn was concerned with how race would play into Sean's decision, and he told her that he's dated girls of many races, including Black, Hispanic, and Persian.  He was totally comfortable with the question, and he and Robyn had a little moment there.

Already safe going into the ceremony are:  Sarah, Kacie, and Desiree, because they received the date roses.  And remember that Katie left during the group date.

Receiving roses during the Rose Ceremony were:  AshLee, Lindsay, Robyn, Jackie, Lesley M., Selma, Catherine, Kristy, Leslie H., Tierra, Taryn, Daniella, and Bipolar Amanda (WHAT?!?).

So, leaving the mansion in Week 2 were Brooke and Diana.  In her interview, Diana said that she had really put herself out there.  Told ya it was coming, people!  I told ya.

Journey count:  5

Putting self out there count:  2