Monday, February 6, 2012

American Idol 2012 - Aspen Auditions

American Idol's next stop was bee-yoo-tee-full Aspen, Colorado.

Now THIS is an outfit that
screams, "I work with
small children."

First up was ultra-energetic Jenni Schick, age 24, from VA. She is an elementary school music teacher who was dressed in a tight miniskirt and thigh-high leather know, like all elementary teachers dress.  She sang “Heartbreaker,” and did a very good job, so she got through to the next round.

Prediction: I don’t think she will make it past the 2nd round in Hollywood.

Next was Curtis Gray, age 28 from FL. He was a very good singer and a nice looking fellow.  Prediction: Not a huge standout to me. Unless he blows my bra off in Hollywood, he won’t make it to the live show.

Richie Law, age 19 from CO was trying to be the next Scotty McCreery with his deep country vocal. He was slightly dorkier than Scotty, if that’s possible.  Prediction: Not a contender.

Devan Jones, age 26 from CO was the exact opposite. He had a very high-pitched voice, suited for singing R&B. It was lovely, but not the best I’ve ever heard.  Prediction: Maybe I was in a bad mood when I was watching this episode, but none of these folks are making me swoon. Again, not a contender.

Dorky girl Tealana Hedgespeth, age 19 of CO has a twin sister, and she kept talking about how talented her sis was. She told the judges that she was tired of living in her sister’s shadow, and she just wanted to shine. Ummmm, I’m not sure if “shine” is the word I would use to describe what she did.  She had no rhythm and certainly no talent; the Melissa Etheridge song she sang was virtually unrecognizable.

Prediction: She will murder her twin in a fit of jealous rage.

Log cabin dweller, Haley Smith, age 18 of UT was very awkward during her interview, but she sang very well. She is in dire need of a stylist with her frumpy hair and unfortunate blazer. Randy said that she “knows who she is,” which is generally what they say to unattractive people with bad hair.

Prediction: She was a pleasant surprise, but I think she’ll get swallowed up in Hollywood.

Next up was Alanna Snare, age 22 from CO. She is a bartender/waitress at a restaurant that is famous for Rocky Mountain Oyster, which are bull testicles. She attempted to sing “Jolene,” and I think I figured out how the bulls lost their balls. They fell off due to extreme distress from having to listen to Alanna sing.  Prediction:  She will advance her career by castrating elephants and rhinos with her voice.

Shelby Tweten, age 17 of MN is bipolar, and said that auditioning for American Idol is the only reason she takes her medication. She was a pretty girl with a decent voice. Prediction: I don’t think she will make it to the live show. Hopefully, she will find another reason to stay on her meds, because basing your mental health on such an unlikely dream is a horrible idea.

Angie Zeiderman, age 25 of FL wants to open for Lady Gaga and then be best friends with her. Yeah, that’s gonna happen, honey. She sang some kind of show tune and wallowed around on the floor a lot. Then she sang “Blue Bayou,” and it was much better and got her through to the next round.

Prediction: She won’t make it to the Top 12, but she will receive a massive head injury from a rogue platform shoe accident at a Lady Gaga concert.

An air guitarist who goes by the name of Magic Cyclops and speaks in a British accent (even though he is from Iowa) totally ruined the song “Margaritaville” for me. 

Prediction: Hopefully, he will now make a career out of air singing.

There were a total of 31 golden tickets given out in Aspen.

1 comment:

  1. doesn't sound like it was a great night. boo hoo. NOT