Friday, January 25, 2013

Bachelor Sean - 2013 - Week 3

Ok, here we are at Week 3, already, and there are 16 ladies left for Sean.  So, let's see what happened this week!


The first one-on-one date this week was with Lesley M.  She looked stunning in a form-fitting peach lace dress.  

Lesley and Sean went to a Guinness Book of World Records museum.  Chris Harrison told them that they were going to try to set the record for longest on-screen kiss.  The previous record was 3 minutes and 15 seconds, but this Bachelor couple had to try to beat the record in front of a big crowd of people cheering them on.

Lesley and Sean shared a big ole long close-mouthed kiss, and ended up breaking the previous record.  The kiss was a little awkward in front of all those people, and because it was just lips touching, and not really a true liplock.  They did seem to use their hands quite a bit, and Sean even grabbed her booty once.  You go, boy!

That evening, they sat on a random couch and talked.  I swear, I’ve never seen so many couches in my life as I have on this show.  Everywhere they go, there is a plethora of couches for the couple to sit on and talk and smooch.  Speaking of smooching, they shared another kiss (on the nondescript couch in a nondescript location), and this one was much better, about an 8 on the Opto-Mom Hotness Scale.

They both admitted that they had feelings for each other, and Sean gave Lesley the date rose.  Cue more kissing...and confetti...WTF?  Confetti?  This show is weird.

Group Date

On this date, Sean takes some girls to the beach:  Kacie, Robyn, Leslie H.,  Kristy, Catherine, Desiree, Taryn, Amanda, Lindsay, Daniella, Jackie, and Tierra

(This leaves Selma, AshLee, and Sarah without a date yet.  Sarah went on a one-on-one last week, so it’s between Selma and AshLee for the next one-on-one this week.)

The beach girls are split into 2 teams to play a volleyball game.  The team that loses, goes back to the mansion immediately, while the winning team gets to stick around and hang out with the Bach for the evening.  Here are the teams:

Sooooooo, all of the girls were rockin' their bikinis and looking awesome, even though they kinda sucked at volleyball.  But the Blue Team ended up winning and the Red Team ended up whining.  (You see what I did there?  Winning....whining?  I'm not sure where my talent comes from.)

Later that night, Sean and Lindsay chatted and then shared a big slurpy kiss.  It wasn’t slurpy gross, though; it was slurpy hot.  Rating:  8.5!

Sean spent time with Desiree and told her he liked her confidence.  She gave him a couple little kisses, and then said during her interview that she thought she was very confident that she was getting the group date rose.

Pouty Amanda turned into a little ball of sunshine when she talked to Sean.  Desiree and the other girls discussed how creepy Amanda is.

Kacie said that she didn’t think Sean would tolerate drama, so she told him about the sniping between Des and Amanda.  Sean asked Kacie why she was bringing it up to him, and she said she felt like she was stuck in the middle.  Ummmmm, what?  I like Kacie, but she really wasn’t making much sense, and I think she was stirring the pot a little bit.  Sean told her he wanted her to act like Kacie and not like some “crazy person.”  Whoa!

Sean ended up giving the rose to Lindsay.



The next one-on-one date went to AshLee, but before they could leave, Tierra fell down the stairs.  She bumped her head, and Sean was concerned that she had a concussion.  The paramedics came, but she refused to go to the hospital.  Of course, Sean, being a gentleman, went to comfort her.  AshLee had to just sit and wait for her date to start while Sean and Tierra cuddled on yet another couch.

The date is at Six Flags Magic Mountain, and Sean and Ash have the park all to themselves.  (That would totally be a dream come true for me!  I love amusement parks, but hate the lines and all of the idiots that flock to these places.)

But wait!  Sean tells her that they won't exactly have the whole park just to themselves...he's got a couple of girls he wants to hang out with him.  But these weren't other contestants; they were 2 chronically ill young ladies (both have mitochondrial disease) who were going to share Six Flags with them!  Very sweet!!!

Sean liked AshLee's compassion and sweetness with the girls, and everyone had a great time.  They all four capped off their night with a private concert by the Eli Young Band.

Sean and Ash found another friggin' couch somewhere to spend some alone time.  AshLee told Sean that she has always wanted to adopt a child, and he shared that he also wants to adopt.  Ash said that she was adopted at age 6, but had been physically abused in a foster home before her adoption.  Sean seemed to get a little teary-eyed when she was talking about the family that adopted her and their love for each other.    

Sean gave her the date rose, and they kissed.  Only about 6 on the hotness scale, but it was a really sweet kiss with a lot of gazing into each other's eyes before and after.


Rose Ceremony

Going into the ceremony, Lesley M., Lindsay, and AshLee are safe.  

Before the ceremony started, Sean told Kacie that he just wants to be friends and sent her home.  {Gasp!}  Maybe he's really serious about not taking any crap or putting up with drama this season.

Tierra, Leslie H., Catherine, Daniella, Robyn, Selma, Sarah, Jackie, Amanda, and Desiree all received roses.  

So that means bye-bye to SupahModel Kristy and Taryn (and Kacie, who got booted before the ceremony).

Down to 13!

Shockingly, there were no mentions of "journeys" or "putting oneself out there" this week.  Not that I heard anyway.  But, don't you worry!  I will stay on top of this, as this is very important research, people.  Very. Important.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

The Bachelor Sean - 2013 - Week 2

It’s Week 2 of The Bachelor….let the poop storm begin!

[Cue gratuitous Sean-in-the-shower scene.]

As you know, we are counting some of the ridiculous phrases that always abound on these shows.  At the end of last week, the word “journey” was used again, so that’s 4 times total for Week 1.  At the beginning of this episode, Sean says it again, so now we’re up to 5.  “Putting myself/yourself out there” has only been uttered once.  Give ‘em time.  This is one of their favorite phrases on this show.

One-On-One Date

The first one-on-one date of the season went to Sarah.  Sean arrived to pick her up in a helicopter, and all of the other girls gasped with amazement.  What?  A helicopter?  OMG!  Seriously, have these girls never seen this show before?  

Anyway, Sarah looked lovely for the date.  Her eyes looked amazing.  Kudos to whoever did her makeup.  Sarah and Sean ride around L.A. in the chopper, and then land on top of a really tall building.  (I'm smelling an adventure date.  How 'bout you?)  He tells her that they are going to free-fall 300 feet to get to a champagne toast down below them, because, apparently, this skyscraper does not have an elevator or stairs.....weird, huh?  But they are going to do it togetherrrrr, because Sarah trusts Sean after knowing him for 2 whole hours!  

[One day, someone is going to get seriously hurt or dead on this show doing one of these ridiculous stunts.  Then we're going to have to sit through an entire Bachelor-themed memorial service while people tell us that ______ always "put herself out there" and died while experiencing this amazing "journey," blah blah blah.]

Well, they made it through the jump okay, so no sappy memorial this week.  For the evening portion of the date, Sarah changed into a sexy black dress, which looked fabulous on her.  She told Sean a story about when she tried to go zip-lining with her dad.  They filled out the paperwork and even got strapped in, when an employee came up and told her that she couldn't zip-line because of a state law prohibiting people with physical disabilities from participating.  It really upset her that someone told her that she couldn't do something she really wanted to do.  So she was thrilled that Sean took her on an adventure date and didn't patronize her.

They talked some more, and then Sean gave Sarah a rose and a kiss.  The kiss was about a 5 on the Opto-Mom hotness scale.

Group Date

The group date consisted of these lovely ladies:

I know these girls were ready for some fun and bonding with each other, and were totally prepared to take turns spending time with Sean.  Bahahaha!  Okay, I'm totally kidding.  It was catfight central, as usual.

They met Sean at a big mansion, and were told that they were doing a romance shoot for Harlequin Romance.  AND.....the girl with the hottest scene with Sean would have their photos featured on three Harlequin novel covers.  So, immediately, Supahmodel Kristy begins telling everyone who would listen that she's a professional at this, and she would be winning.  Tierra got on everyone's nerves with her possessiveness.

All of the girls seemed to have fun with their own shoots with Sean, and, of course, got jealous of the other girls when they were shooting.  Lesley M. and Sean did a cowboy scene, and they looked genuinely hot for each other, and even shared a gentle kiss.  Supahmodel Kristy, however, decided to go all attack-y during her scene, and she was pulling on Sean and smushing her breasts into him.  They did come across pretty steamy on film, and Supah ended up winning the 3-cover deal.  She was VERY excited about the cover deal, but didn't really mention Sean, just that SHE was the winner!  Gee...narcissistic much?  I think she's just there to further her career.

During the evening part of the date, Sean reassured Kacie that he does want to explore the possibility of a romantic relationship between them. 

He and Lesley ended up kissing.  The first kiss was a little bland (about a 4), but Sean loosened up and their second kiss was closer to a 6.5.  

Tierra was pouty and wouldn't sit by the other girls, even though they asked her to come sit with them.  Sean had a talk with her and told her that he understood how she was feeling.  He really gets kind of a goofy look on his face when he's talking to Tierra.  I think she'll be around for a while unless she lets her psycho flag fly too early and freaks Sean out.

Katie showed her apprehension and discomfort with the whole Bachelor scene, and told Sean that she wanted to go home.

Sean ended up giving the rose to Kacie, and, while all of the other girls were disappointed, Tierra was madder than a wet hen.  Guess she's just going to have to learn to suck it up if she wants to be there for the long haul.

One-On-One Date

The next lucky lady to get an individual date was Desiree.

Sean decided he wanted to test Desiree's sense of humor by pulling a little prank on her.  The Bachelor people set up a fake art gallery, and one of the most "expensive" pieces was set to break while Desiree was in that room alone.  This would make her think that she had broken it, hence the prank.

[Side note:  Des looked smokin' in her little black dress that she wore to the "gallery."]

So, Sean and Desiree were offered the chance to look at one of the artist's most expensive works in the back room.  One of the producers interrupted and pulled Sean away for an interview, leaving Des alone in the room with the art.  BUT, Sean was actually in the next room watching on a hidden camera.

Golly, a hidden camera.  I hope she doesn't dig her underwear out of her butt or pick her nose or something.

Desiree was sitting quietly, when the piece of art just crashed to the ground and shattered!  She walked to the door to get someone, and the artist came in and was visibly upset about the ruination of his "priceless" work of art.  Poor Des!

Sean decided to stop being a big meanie, and went in to tell the sweet girl that it was all a joke.  She laughed and was an excellent sport about the whole thing, which is exactly what I think he was looking for.

They went back to Sean's place for dinner and discussed their families.  Their family and parents were very similar, which seemed to deepen Sean and Des's comfort and bond with each other.  

The couple put their swimsuits on and sat in the hot tub, where he gave her the date rose.  Then they made out a lot, and it was the hottest so far, an 8 on the Opto-Mom hotness scale.

Rose Ceremony

Hey!  Do you remember Lindsay, the drunken, bachelor-molesting bride from last week?  She told Sean that her dad is an Army general.  Whoa!  They had a great conversation, and I think Lindsay is off the bubble for now.

Amanda turned into Little Miss Pouty Pants because she hadn't gotten to talk to Sean yet, or maybe because somebody peed in her champagne.  I don't know, but she was glaring at people and rolling her eyes, and looking really pissy.  Plus she was wearing a neon yellow top with big roses on the shoulders.  All of this together made her resemble a terroristic pinata.  It was really quite creepy.  Later, when Sean came to speak with her, she turned into Little Miss Freakin' Sunshine, laughing and giggling!  This gal's gotta be bipolar, or something.

Robyn was concerned with how race would play into Sean's decision, and he told her that he's dated girls of many races, including Black, Hispanic, and Persian.  He was totally comfortable with the question, and he and Robyn had a little moment there.

Already safe going into the ceremony are:  Sarah, Kacie, and Desiree, because they received the date roses.  And remember that Katie left during the group date.

Receiving roses during the Rose Ceremony were:  AshLee, Lindsay, Robyn, Jackie, Lesley M., Selma, Catherine, Kristy, Leslie H., Tierra, Taryn, Daniella, and Bipolar Amanda (WHAT?!?).

So, leaving the mansion in Week 2 were Brooke and Diana.  In her interview, Diana said that she had really put herself out there.  Told ya it was coming, people!  I told ya.

Journey count:  5
Putting self out there count:  2

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Bachelor Sean 2013 - Week 1 (continued)

When I left off in my last post, we had just met all 26 lovely ladies.  Now, let's see what kind of surprises Sean has for us.

If you'll remember, Tierra got a rose right after she got out of the limo, which was unusual since the Bach usually talks to a lot of the ladies inside before he decides on the First Impression Rose.
"I got the first rose!  Suck it, other contestants!"
So, inside the mansion, Sean spoke with Desiree, the bridal consultant.  He obviously enjoyed their chat, because he gave her a rose too.
Then, after visiting with Sean, other contestants started getting roses, as well.  These included:
AshLee, Selma, Robyn, Katie, Catherine, Jackie

Sean is just handing out roses willy-nilly, and to hell with the rules!  (I love that!)  He told one contestant that if he felt an instant connection, he was immediately giving them a rose.

Model Ashley H. did not get a rose after chatting with Sean, so she's on the bubble, people!  On. The. Bubble.  She did say, "putting myself out there."  (If you don't remember, I'm keeping up with mentions of this ridiculous phrase, and also of how many times anyone on the show says "journey.")
Ashley H.
Lindsay, the chick who showed up in the wedding dress spoke with Sean next, and said that she really wanted him to see what a goofball she is, but that she wished she were a little more sober.  Damn wine gets one of them every season!  She asks Sean to have their first dance, at which point she tries to kiss him....again.  He deftly avoided it, and I'm pretty sure she just wrote her own ticket out of Mansionville.
Apparently, the producers of the show had the booze flowing a little more freely this year, because a very tipsy Ashley P. (you remember old tit lips, right?) started dancing.  
Tit Lips (Ashley P.)
And I don't mean waltzing, people.  She was dropping it like it was hot, spreading her legs and going all the way down to the floor, and hunching the air.  In a formal dress.  Then she went over and interrupted Sean and another girl, but they requested another minute to finish their conversation, so she stood right beside them with her back to them and did a lot of booty dancing until they finished.  The only good thing for her was that Sean couldn't see all the duck lips and other stupid faces she was making during her little mini-burlesque show.  Finally Ashley talked to Sean for a while, during which time she made an even further spectacle of herself.  Then she went back inside the mansion (roseless) and busted her drunk ass doing down the stairs.  Way to keep it classy on national TV, honey!

Next, we see Leslie H. getting a rose from Sean.  It didn't show much of their conversation, but she's a real cutie!
Sarah was discussing how self-conscious she was feeling with some of the other girls.  Then it showed her talking to Sean, and they had a really good conversation.  She explained to him that she was born with only one arm, and that she hoped it didn't make anyone feel uncomfortable, because she is very open to discussing it.  And that sweetheart Sean reassured her that he was not uncomfortable at all, and then he gave her a rose.  Yay!  

Now, it's time for the rose ceremony.  Twelve of the girls already have roses:  Sarah, Leslie H., Catherine, Jackie, Katie, Robyn, AshLee, Selma, Desiree, Tierra, Diana, and Brooke.

So, Sean calls out:  Amanda, Lesley M., Kacie, Kristy, Daniella, Taryn, and drunk bride Lindsay to receive roses.  And the rest of the gals are history.  

By my count, that's 19 roses, and I thought they usually only gave 15 on the first night.  But I guess Sean is a rebel and just doing whatever-the-hell he wants to do.  

Booted off Week 1:  Ashley H., Lauren, Ashley P., Keriann, Kelly, Paige, and Lacey.
[Sidenote:  I'm glad some of the Ashleys got kicked off.  There are always WAY too many Ashleys on this show!]

We've had 3 people mention "journey," and only 1 "putting myself out there" so far, but the season is young, my friends!  I'm sure there will be many of these useless platitudes as the hormones and cat fights get revved up in this season of The Bachelor!

Friday, January 11, 2013

Bachelor Sean - 2013 - Week 1 - Meeting the Ladies

Well, howdy!  It’s Bachelor-Time again, and we’ve got a hot one this year.  If you watched Emily’s season of The Bachelorette, you probably remember Sean.  Of course, The Bachelor producers always have to pick a “sympathetic” contestant from the previous season of The Bachelorette and make them the next Bachelor, so they don’t have to worry with going out and finding a reasonable, good-looking man without STDs or mental problems.  

It’s part of their Hunk Recycling Program.  Al Gore says it’s good for the environment.  

So our recycled piece of man meat this year is Sean Lowe.

Ogle away, ladies.  That’s what he’s there for.
They predictably started out the season with the Bachelor saying that he got his heart broken by Emily, but now he’s miraculously okay and wants to find LUUURRRRVE!  At this time they started showing shirtless video of Sean working out, so the rest of his little speech sounded like this to me:  “something, something….blah, blah…I’m nervous….my pecs are awesome…blah-dee, blah-dee blah…amazing journey…something, something….true love.”

Because honestly?  After the eye candy workout video, I was kind of like:

And just a little like this:

[Side note: Just for giggles, let‘s keep track of how many times someone on this show uses the word “journey” (no, not the band, but that would be pretty awesome!) and the phrase “putting myself/yourself out there.”]

Now, let’s meet the ladies and see if we can pick out the cuckoos and the harlots of the bunch, shall we?

Sorry about that “harlot” crack.  I’ve been reading The Scarlet Letter.

Several girls were featured in the pre-taped interviews, so let’s check them out first.

Desiree's a bridal stylist, which will come in handy if she's "the one" for Sean.  Seemed sweet in her intro package.

Tierra is very pretty, and says she’s family-oriented.  She squealed like a 5-year-old on Christmas morning when she learned that Sean is the Bachelor.  Then she told her little doggy all about Sean and announced, with a girlish giggle that Sean is her “future hubby.”  Yay!  We may have found our Miss Stalky Britches.

Robyn has a great figure and a cute face.  She did some gymnastics, and was very flexible.  Honey, show that flexibility off to Sean, and I’m betting you will last for a little while. 

Diana has 2 daughters.  She made one of them wear a helmet while sliding.  Seriously?  Sliding?  She probably makes her wear a hazmat suit while eating her cereal.

Sarah was born with only 1 arm.  She seems very sweet and well-grounded.

The first thing you notice about Ashley is that she has breast implants, but somehow the doctor screwed up and put the implants in her lips instead of in her chest.  Helpful hint to the contestants: if you’re a hair stylist, get your roots done before you come on national TV.  Ashley is obsessed with Fifty Shades of Grey, and wants Sean to be her Christian Grey.  She actually said that she hopes Sean rips her clothes off and spanks her.  Yeah, probably not going to happen, tit lips.

Lesley is a HUGE advocate for the environment, which is probably why she wanted to be on The Bachelor.  You know, the whole Hunk Recycling Program we talked about earlier.  She’s originally from Arkansas, and deems herself the “Modern Southern Belle.”

Kristy informed the viewing audience that she’s not just a model, she’s a FORD model.  Hopefully, she’s not another narcissistic model like that wacko, Courtney, from Ben’s season.  She’s already said that the other girls will be jealous of her, and she makes cheesy smiley faces when she’s working out.  Hey, Boney Maroney!  No smiling when you’re working out!  Look miserable like the rest of us!

AshLee is obsessed with organizing things.  All I can say is, don’t let this gal show up at my house!  Lord have mercy…her head might explode!

Now it’s time for Sean to stand awkwardly in front of a mansion and meet the gals.  Chris Harrison told him it’s time to start his “journey.”  That’s 2 journey mentions, by my count!

As the first limo pulls up, you hear tons of squealing and OMGs and awwwwws, and I already want to smack somebody.  Grow the hell up, ladies!  Anyone over the age of 12 should not squeal.

First out of the limo, was the personal organizer, AshLee in a beautiful red dress.  She was charming and didn’t try to give him a pocket protector or anything, so I think it went well.

Jackie told Sean she was going to “mark” him, so she put on red lipstick and kissed his cheek.  She did it in a sweet and non-annoying way, so I thought it was a cute little ice breaker.

Selma wore a very chic, long black dress and looked totally hot.  Hell, I would marry her!

Leslie had a cute hairdo and gorgeous smile, but I didn’t really like her dress.  It made her boobs look saggy.

Daniella had some creepy Courtney Love hair, especially from the back.

Kelly is tan and blond and cute as a button in all her Southern Miss America-ness.  Then she sang him a little country ditty that she wrote, and it was annoyingly adorable.  I’m not exactly sure what that means, but I just know that I wanted to slap her and hug her at the same time.

Katie had beautiful hair, and a gorgeous smile and face.  She was wearing a flattering hot pink dress, but I think she was shoeless.  Ummmmm, okay?  Whatever floats your little yoga boat, doll face!

Next out of the limo was Ashley P., who we previously met with her dark roots and bubble lips.  Not to mention the spanking fetish.  Will she bring Fifty Shades up on the first meeting?  Will she?  Will she?  Oh, hell.  Of course she does.  She pulls a tie out of her boobage (the ones on her chest, not the ones on her lips), and wants Sean to teach her what to do with it.  Poor guy looked totally confused.  Smile, smile. How fast can I get rid of this trash?  Awkward!

Taryn seemed very nervous, but super nice.  
Oh, now Catherine is fabulous!  One of the prettiest faces of the night, and she was sweet and flirty.

Then we meet Robyn again.  She was the Oilfield Account Manager from Houston, who also does gymnastics.  She gets out of the limo, smiles, and turns her back on Sean.  Hmmmm, what COULD she be doing?  If you guessed back walkovers in a full-length gold sparkly dress, you would be correct!  The first one was beautiful, but she fell on the second one.  Zoinks!  Will she run away crying?  Hell no!  She’s from Texas, so she just bounces up laughs at herself.  I thought she handled it with a fair amount of grace.  Sean comforted her and told her that he was impressed.  Hmmmmm.  Candidate for the first impression rose?  Perhaps…

Lacey had a really pretty face and a great body, but her hair was a little brassy.  She said a lot of people call her “Lace,” so she brought a heart cut out of lace for Sean to remember her.  Awwwww, ain’t that real nice?!?

Paige was on Bachelor Pad 3, that little show that ABC does in between seasons, so that we can keep our lives filled with the cray cray at all times.  They let a select number of fans on that show this past year, so I’m guessing she was one of the fans that got booted pretty quickly, because all of those past contestants are a bit snooty, and don’t want some mere human on “their” show.

Ooooh, next out of the limo was Tierra, our potential stalker.  Little Miss Enthusiasm showed Sean that she has an open heart tattooed on her finger, and she hopes he will be the one to complete it.  Did I mention that the tattoo was on her left ring finger?  I think that is a big ole hint that she wants Sean to be the daddy to her  little dog, who probably is named “Precious.”  Sean tells her to wait for a minute, and then just leaves her standing outside while he goes into the house.  WTF?  He goes inside and tells host, Chris Harrison that he wants to bend the rules a little bit (breakin’ the law, breakin’ the law!), and give Tierra a rose right then because she gives off positive vibes and energy and what-the-hell-ever.  He gave her the rose, and her face just glowed with delight, and I think I might be tearing up a little….okay, it’s over.  Back to your regularly scheduled snarkiness.

Amanda is very pretty, and has a beautiful smile.  I loved her black and white dress.

Keriann told Sean that she drove 2,775 miles for a shot with him.  Way to guilt trip him into giving you a rose!  By the way, she’s another one that forgot to brush the back of her hair.  What’s with these girls tonight?  Do they not have mirrors, or did they just let the other contestants fix their hair?
"Nooo,girl... your hair looks fine!"
Desiree, the bridal stylist that we met in the interviews, brought some pennies, so that she and Sean could make a wish in the fountain.  Since this is a mansion, I think it’s more appopriate to throw $100s in the fountain., but whatever.  I think it made her memorable.

Next was Sarah, the lady with 1 arm.  Her white dress was stunning on her, and she joked around a little with him, so good job!

Brooke has a very pretty face, so I don’t know why she wants that red burgundy pile of shit on top of her head.  But she’s a community organizer, which we all know qualifies you to be President.  I wonder if Sean wants to be First Hunk one day?  (She said “journey.”  We’re up to 3 now!)  This may be totally random, but this chick has a beautiful back.  I just noticed that when she was walking away from Sean in her backless dress.

Now we see Diana, who made her kid wear a helmet while sliding.  I don’t really care what she said, because she’s one of those Douche-Moms.  So, that’s all I’ve got for you on her.

Political consultant, Lesley M. was next to meet Sean.  She was stunning in a blue dress, AND she brought a football!  She said she wanted to run a play with Sean, where she would be the QB, and he could snap the ball to her.  Smart girl!  She got to stand behind him while he was bent over.  She admitted that she didn’t really want to run a play; she was just enjoying the view!  Ok, I totally love her!

Oh, mercy!  Here comes the SupahModel, Kristy.  She steps out of the limo and says, “Sean, did you invite these girls (pointing into the car), because I sure didn’t.”  Annnnnd I think we’ve found our Queen Bitch for the season.

Oh, goody!  Another model!  (That was written in a sarcasm font, in case you didn’t notice.)  But Ashley H. was actually much more likable than SupahModel Kristy.  She looked great in her ice blue dress, and when Sean complimented it, she told him her dress matched his eyes.  Awwwww!
What?  They have people in Rhode Island?  Hee hee…I kid the Rhode Islanders.  I don’t want them coming after me, because I might not be able to escape all 3 of them.  Anyway, back to Lauren, who comes from an Italian family.  They own an Italian restaurant, and that seemed to make Sean happy.  I know it would thrill me, because I could really go for some chicken parm right about now.  Then she told Sean that her dad said that if Sean breaks his daughter’s heart, he will break Sean’s legs.  Ummmm, quick Sean!  Send her home NOW before she develops feelings for you!  Ya should have stopped at the restaurant thing, Miss Soprano.

Oh, no she didunt!!!  Yes.  Yes, she did get out of the limo in a big ole poofy wedding dress, complete with veil.  Lindsay said, “You may now kiss the bride,” and tried to really lay one on Sean, but he pulled back and seemed uncomfortable.  I don’t think he liked this whole molesting-the-Bachelor schtick very much.  Perhaps she should have told him her name before trying to stick her tongue down his throat.   Shame…she’s a really cute girl!

Ok, so that's 25 lovely ladies, so we've met all of them, right?  Au contraire!  Chris told Sean that one person specifically asked to meet Sean.  So cruising up in her very own limo was {drum roll please}…………
The gorgeous Kacie B. from Ben’s season!   YAY!  I adored her, and thought Ben was stupid to send her home.  Anyway, she said she wanted a second chance like Sean, and he seemed pleased!  And let me tell you, Kacie looked beyond fabulous!  She still has that beautiful smile, and holy hell….her legs go all the way up to her ears!
She's got legssss!
Ok, since this post is getting super long, I'm going to end it here, and then do a second post detailing what happened when they got all of these ladies in the same room, and telling who Sean kept.  Stay don't wanna miss this!