DWTS 2012 - Week 1

Last year's DWTS was about as exciting as a glass of tepid water.  I thought this was going to be another season of Dancing With Some Random People Who Are Marginally Known, but I was pleasantly surprised!

First up were T.V. Host Maria Menounos & Derek Hough - I had no idea who Maria was, but it turns out that she's the host of Extra.  Does anyone still watch that show?

Derek’s students are always well-prepared, and Maria was no exception.  Their cha-cha was very solid with no major mistakes.  And most importantly, she didn’t look awkward, which you will learn is a pet peeve for me.  And for that alone, I give her an 8.  And here are the scores from the judges:
Carrie Ann - 7
Len - 7
Bruno - 7


Actor and Singer Jack Wagner and Anna Trebunskaya - Wagner is mostly known for soap opera roles, but he’s also done some made-for-TV movies and recorded some albums.

Jack and Anna performed a foxtrot that was cute and charmingly cheesy, but their costumes were horrid and reminded me of attire from a 1982 prom.

Fashion faux pas - Exhibit A

Jack's arms started out awkward, but got better as he went on.  He was very suave, but he needs to watch his feet.  I give him a 7.
CA - 8
L - 7
B - 8


Super Bowl Champion Donald Driver & Peta Murgatroyd  - Donald is a wide receiver for the Green Bay Packers.

They performed a nice cha-cha.  Raymond had great moves and was a lot of fun to watch.  The man knows how to use his legs and booty, and I don’t think he learned that on the football field.  His arms and legs got a little wild a couple of times, so I give him a 7.
CA - 7
L - 7
B - 7


Singer and Songwriter Gavin DeGraw & Karina Smirnoff - I didn’t immediately recognize his name, but when I looked him up, I actually know (and like) his music.  I was impressed that they actually got somebody contemporary on the show.

They had a good sweet performance in the foxtrot, but Gavin had spatula hands and was a bit stiff.  I give him a 7.
CA - 7
L - 6
B - 7


Disney Star Roshon Fegan & Chelsie Hightower -  Roshon was in Disney’s Camp Rock.  “Yay!  I’m a star because I met the Jonas Brothers!”

Dude had some pretty sharp footwork and great musicality in the cha-cha.  He threw in some Michael Jackson moves, which was very smooth and cool.  I give him an 8.
CA - 8
L - 7
B - 8


T.V. Host and Actress Sherri Shepherd & Val Chmerkovskiy - Sherri is one of the hosts of The View, but I won’t hold that against her, because she actually has a sense of humor.  She also recently played Lula in the movie “One For The Money,” which is based on one of my favorite book series.  I adore her and can’t wait to see what she’s gonna say each week.

She had some very elegant moments in the foxtrot, but her feet did get twisted up a couple of times.  Her performance value was superb!  I want to give her a 9 because she’s so dang precious, but if I’m honest, her footwork merited more like a 7.  So I’m giving her an 8.
CA - 8
L - 7
B - 8

T.V. icon Melissa Gilbert & Maks Chmerkovskiy - She was Laura Ingalls on Little House on the Prairie, and was also in about a gazillion Lifetime made-for-TV movies where someone was getting abused or kidnapped or something.  

Laura Ingalls has traded in her prairie dress for a hot little black number, of which Ma would not approve.  In fact, she and Maks both looked HOT in their cha-cha.   Melissa’s timing was off a little bit, but this choreography was very difficult.  She needs to work on her hips for the next Latin dance, but overall a very solid routine.  I give her a 7.

CA - 7

L - 6

B - 7

Actor William Levy & Cheryl Burke - William is a super hot Cuban.  I’m not sure what movies or TV shows he’s been in, and I don‘t really give a shit.  I just like looking at him.  In case you’re wondering what all the fuss is about, here is a picture:  

That's right, ladies!  Bookmark this page for future use.

William and the very lucky Cheryl performed a cha-cha.  He had super hips, and I really didn’t notice anything else.  Except for maybe his muscular arms.  It took forever to get all of the women, and even some of the men, in the crowd to quiet down after his dance.  Holy dear Lord Jesus!  He’s sexy and I know it.  I look forward to seeing much, much more.  (William, if you’re reading this…call me!)  I give him a 12.

CA - 8

L - 8

B - 8

Tennis legend Martina Navratilova & Tony Dovolani - She is a breast cancer survivor and the most decorated tennis player of all times.

Her hands were awful in their foxtrot, and she seemed quite awkward, but she looked beautiful!  She seemed very nervous and hesitant, but maybe that was because she says she hasn't worn a dress in like 20 years.  So far she was the worst of the night, but she does have potential.  I give her a 6.
CA - 7
L - 6
B - 7

Classical singer Katherine Jenkins & Mark Ballas - I've never heard of Katherine, but apparently, she's a big deal classical singer from the U.K.

This is one beautiful girl, gorgeous face and fantastic body.  She seemed to be made for the foxtrot, and she had graceful arms and wonderful head position and posture.  The dance was super smooth, and Katherine just radiated sunshine.  I give her a 9.  Yes, a 9!

CA - 9
L - 8
B - 9

Music legend Gladys Knight & Tristan MacManus - How gorgeous did Gladys look?  She’s the oldest competitor, though I thought she didn’t look a day over 50, and that red dress was stunning!

Work it, sistah!!

Gladys had a naturalness about her that was just fabulous!  She occasionally flailed her arms, but she didn’t miss a single step in the cha-cha.  The ballroom went wild, and she was immediately greeted by hugs from the other competitors when they went upstairs.  You go, Gladys!!!!  I give you a hearty 9!  (She probably was more of an 8, but I just can’t help myself because she just impressed the crap out of me.)

CA - 8

L - 7

B - 8

T.V. star Jaleel White & Kym Johnson  - If you’re like me, you’re probably asking who the hellz Jaleel White is?  Why, he’s none other than Steve Urkel from “Family Matters,” that’s who.  An interesting note:  Jaleel’s first television role was as the son of Flip Wilson and fellow DWTS contender, Gladys Knight, on “Charlie and Company.”

When Jaleel and Kym got through dancing the foxtrot, I squeaked, “Did he do thaaaaat?“  Yes, yes, he did.  OMG, people!  Urkel done got debonair up in that ballroom!!!  He was very smooth and elegant, and I give the anti-Urkel a 9!

CA - 9

L - 8

B - 9

The contestants will dance again next week, before any eliminations.  I think this is shaping up to be a great year!  Especially with this going on:

Just another gratuitous shot of William Levy - you're welcome, girls!