Monday, February 11, 2013

Bachelor Sean - 2013 - Week 5 (Part 2)

This episode was shown during Week 5 as part of a two-night special.  Sean and the ladies are in Canada at Lake Louise.


The ever-patient Catherine received the first one-on-one date this week.  

The producers of this show, in their infinite wisdom, have Catherine waiting outside in the middle of a blizzard for Sean, when a giant snow bus shows up, with Sean driving.  I never even knew there was such a thing as a snow bus, but I’m from Texas, and we obviously don’t need such vehicles down here.  Just give us our air-conditioned cars and trucks, and we are happy.

Catherine was told that they would be looking for a glacier today, so she bundled up into a red snow suit, and really looked quite beautiful.  With Sean driving the bus up a snowy mountain and Catherine playing commentator on the bus’s PA system, this was actually one of the coolest dates I’ve seen on this show.  They ended up in Jasper National Park, and Sean pulled his date around on a toboggan or sled or some kind of apparatus I’ve never used before.  Again, Texas…hellooooo?  I’m not meant to know these things, people.  But it looked really fun playing in the snow, and they really seemed to like each other a LOT.

For the evening portion of the date, they met up back at The Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise.  They went outside, where Sean had a horse-drawn carriage waiting for them.  They had a romantic ride to an ice castle that was built especially for their date.  How cool is that?

[Side note:  I really feel sorry for guys these days, because this show causes unrealistic expectations.  Can you imagine taking a woman out on a date the week after she’s watched this episode?  The guy suggests dinner and a movie, and the woman gets pissed that he didn’t build her a friggin’ ice castle.]

Of course, there is a couch in the ice castle (because The Bachelor has obviously invested in some furniture company), so they cuddled up under a blanket and talked.  Catherine talked about seeing a friend of hers die when a tree fell on her at summer camp when she was 12.  She said that this event caused her to see that life can be taken away so quickly and taught her to value life even more.

Sean told Catherine how special she is, and gave her the date rose.  You can tell by the smile on his face that he really likes this girl and feels so comfortable with her.  And I think she feels the same way.  They just have that silly goo-goo look on their faces when they look at each other.  Awwwwwwww, so sweet! 

Then they shared a kiss hot enough to melt the dang ice castle.  This kiss got a 9.1 on the Opto-Mom Hotness Scale, which is calibrated weekly by a team of experts.

Group Date

There was a little bit of controversy about this, because neither Tierra nor Daniella have had an individual date, and yet they were both chosen for the group date instead of the 2nd one-on-one.  Desiree is the only one left without a date this week, so she’s obviously going to get the individual date, even though she already had one earlier this season.

Sean said that he had an exhilarating date planned that would challenge the ladies.  If I’m going on a date, I’m not sure I want “exhilarating” and “challenge” being used together to describe it.  

Anyway, they were getting in canoes to row across the lake, and Sean asked which girl wanted to ride in his canoe.  (Is that some type of euphemism?  If not, it really should be.)  Lesley called out first, so she got to ride with Sean.  Some of the other girls were pissed, but hey!  She called it!  “Calling it” is the final say-so.  Haven’t these girls ever been to 3rd grade?  Geez!

Sarah, the one-armed girl, struggled with canoeing, but she really tried hard.  I would like to say that she looked AH-mazing on this date, with a tan jacket and a bright coral scarf.

When they got across the lake, they noticed some tents set up near the shore.  All of the girls were hoping for fires, roasting marshmallow, hot tubs, etc.  However, Sean had something TOTALLY different planned for them.  He told them that they were going to try to join the Polar Bear Club.  If you’re not aware of what this is, crazy people walk out into a near frozen body of water all the way until they are totally submerged.  I know about this because my dad is a member of the Polar Bear Club.  {APPLAUSE HERE}  He did it in Alaska, and got a jacket to prove it.  I think I deserve to be in the Club, because I ran out of hot water during my shower one day last week, and it was really rough.  Also, I walked to the mailbox with short sleeves on yesterday, and it was like, 60 degrees outside.  Now, hurry up and bring me my special Polar Bear jacket, y’all!

Selma decided not to do the plunge, using the excuse that she’s from Baghdad and that she is more of a warm weather person.  I think she’s just sealed her fate, and will NOT get the date rose.  All of the other girls were “doing it for Sean.”  I feel a certain amount of respect for Selma for standing up to this insanity.  As I’ve said before, if you have to have EMTs standing by for your dating activities, then maybe you need to re-think your date planning.

Of course, there was drama on this date, and guess who was the master dramatizer?  If you guessed anyone other than Tierra, then you obviously haven‘t been paying attention to this blog.  Get with the program, people!  Everyone jumped into the water and then got right back out, including Tierra.  However, ONLY Tierra got “hypothermia,” which is code for “trying to get sympathy points to get a rose” on this show.  Ambulances were called, and there was a lot of hullaballoo, including Sean going to cuddle with her after she received medical attention.  Sean even mentioned that she always finds a way to get some alone time with him.  Well, DUUUUHH!

So, everyone was having a great time at the evening party, because the Drama Queen was still in bed.  However, Tierrable had other ideas.  She got out of bed, and did her full hair and makeup and showed up at the party.  She obviously expected to get the rose for her bravery and persistence.  However, Sean ended up giving the group date rose to Lesley.  Tierra looked SHOCKED, and said she didn’t think it was fair that Lesley got the rose instead of her.  Oh, well, sweet cheeks.  Looks like you’re going to have to do more than fake hypothermia to impress Sean.

Oh, and during the evening party, Sarah broke out the family pictures and told Sean that she really wanted him to meet her family.  Uh oh!  I think she just got a little too serious at this point in the game.  Sean said during an interview after the party that he didn’t see forever with Sarah, and that he didn’t want to hurt her.  Sooooo, he went to where the girls were staying and took Sarah outside, where he very politely sent her home.


Desiree was the first chick to get a second individual date, even though neither Daniella nor Tierra have had one yet.  I don’t think Sean is that into Daniella.  I think he just keeps her to look at, because she’s very pretty, but he doesn’t feel strongly enough about her to give her a one-on-one.  I think Tierra hasn’t had an individual date because the producers like for her to go on group dates and aggravate the piss out of the other contestants.

Now, back to the date.  Des and Sean are up on a mountain, and Sean tells her that they are going to rappel down the mountain to a picnic.  Then there was a lot of foo-foo talk about relationships being about taking a chance and trusting each other by jumping off of a mountain.  [Side note/digression/rant:  You don’t HAVE to do dangerous stuff to prove that you are committed to each other.  I have been married for almost 19 years, and the most dangerous thing we have done is drinking the water in Mexico on our honeymoon.]

I always like how they make them wear helmets on these adventures.  If you fall 400 feet to the ground, I’m pretty sure the broken neck or multiple internal organ ruptures will make you just as dead as landing on your unprotected noggin.

Anyhoo, they made it down safely, and there was more talk of accomplishment and conquering fears, blah blah blah.  So, they had a picnic and talked about their relationship and kissed a lot.  Then Desiree challenged Sean to climb a nearby tree, so they both expertly climbed it and kissed some more.  That was actually the coolest part of the date because it was REAL.

For the evening portion of the date, they walked through the woods to a large teepee, where there was a little couch.  (OMG, with the couches, people!  Really?  A friggin’ couch in a friggin’ tent?)  Desiree talked about her family and their humble background.  At one point, the family lived in a tent for a few months when they didn’t have anywhere else to live.  I wonder if they had a couch in their tent…..

So, Sean gave Des the date rose and they kissed some more.  They REALLY like kissing each other.  Sean seems uncomfortable kissing some of the girls, but he’s really natural with Des.  Could be a sign.

Rose Ceremony

Selma, if you will remember, did not do the Polar Bear Plunge on the group date.  During the cocktail party, she was a little concerned that she didn’t “put herself out there” like the other girls.  (That brings our “putting a self out there” total up to 4 for the season.)  Selma is also a little concerned that she hasn’t kissed Sean because of her culture, so she gives him a little tiny smackeroo on the lips.  Then she said that kissing someone on national TV was a huge shame for her family.  Oh, grow up!  It’s not like you were boinking in public or anything!  I’m sure your culture also doesn’t approve of you dating a man who has been dating and kissing 20-something other girls while also dating you.  After the kiss, Sean’s face got all red, and he seemed just a inordinately gaga over such a minor little kiss.

Lindsay, on the other hand, told Sean that she was going to try to make the most of their time together, so she wasn’t going to kiss him.  So Sean asked her to tell him something that he doesn’t know about her.  She replied with a giggle, “I sleep naked.”  Oh, for Pete’s sake!  Couldn’t she have said she feeds the homeless, or her mother was a gypsy, or she eats ear wax?  Nooooo, she’s gotta talk about being naked, and now Sean is probably getting really sexually frustrated, and she won’t even kiss him.  Ok, never mind….she ended up giving in, and they sucked face for a while.

AshLee told Sean that she has always had trouble giving up control, because of her abandonment issues as a child.  So she gave Sean a blindfold to signify that she was giving him control and trust.  He put it on her, carried her around, and then kissed her.  I really hope he’s using Binaca between all of these girls, because, ummmmmm, ewww!

Before Sean handed out the roses, Chris Harrison addressed the ladies and told them that Sean has noticed that they were really “putting themselves out there.”  Oh, how I despise that term!

The girls who had roses coming into the ceremony are Desiree, Catherine, and Lesley (who looks lovely with her hair up, by the way).  Sarah has already been sent home, so that leaves Sean with 3 roses to hand out amongst 5 anxiously waiting women.  Receiving roses during the ceremony were:  Lindsay, AshLee, and .........Tierra.  

Daniella and Selma were sent home, and after Selma shamed her entire family, and everything!

Wow, readers!  There are only 6 ladies left, and next week they are all headed to St. Croix and the U.S. Virgin Islands.  Now, that's what I'm talkin' about!

My predictions for next week:  Tierra will finally get a one-on-one date, since she's the only one left who hasn't had one.  The other will go to Lesley or AshLee.

Cliché Totals:
Putting oneself out there:  5
Journey:  7

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