Friday, January 27, 2012

American Idol 2012 - Savannah Auditions, Day 1

I would like to apologize for being a little behind on this blog.  I've been helping out with a benefit event for some dear friends who lost their restaurant to a fire.  I should get back to normal after the benefit this weekend.

YAY!  American Idol is back, and they started their year out in Savannah, Georgia for the first round of auditions.  Jennifer Lopez arrived looking fresh in a sparkly peach shirt and a sleek ponytail.  Randy was in a white shirt and his trademark cool glasses.  Judge Steven Tyler arrived in his outfit he raided from Rondo the Pimp's closet. 
Hey, Steven!  My grandma wants her blouse back
when you're done with it!
The first auditioner was David Leathers, Jr., age 17 from N.C. - He looked about 12, and actually beat last year’s winner Scotty McCreery in a local competition in 2009!  This kid could sing, and had a kind of Michael Jackson-esque vibe.  He easily got through.  Prediction:  Will experience some drama during the group competition and won't make the top 12.

Then they saw Neco Starr, age 20 from GA.  Cool name, great voice.  Prediction:  Will make it pretty far, but not sure if he's special enough to make it to the live shows.  Will depend on the rest of the auditions.

Next was Gabi Carrubba, age 16 from Connecticut.  She's not stage shy, because she has been tap dancing since she was a toddler.  She is a great singer, but it's not just that.  She truly has a natural ability to just feel the song and go with it.  Prediction:  Possibility for top 12.

Elise Testone, age 28 from S.C. had a super strong soulful voice.

Prediction:  She will be the token "soul singer" in the top 12.

Bonus Prediction:  This is what Britney Spears will look like in about 10 years.  ------------------------>

Next was the painful musical stylings of one Jessica Whitely, age 19 from Ohio.  She was one of those people who thinks they can sing really good, so they don’t hold back.  And then it’s really terrible…and loud.  It sounded like a goat being raped by an elephant.  (Don't ask me how I know what that sounds like.  It's best you don't know.)

After all three judges turned her down, she said, “I’ll see you in Texas, then.”  Nuh uh, girl!  Don't you bring that shit over here to the Lone Star State!

Prediction:  Someone here in Texas is going to think she's hurting an animal, and they will shoot her.

Shaun Kraisman, age 26 from SC was a Ryan Seacrest look-alike.  He even had the mannerisms, timing, and voice down.  He was a decent singer, but didn't make it through to Hollyweird. 

Prediction:  He will end up in the hospital after a disgruntled auditioner mistakes him for Ryan Seacrest in a night club and beats him with a Bedazzled microphone.  After extensive plastic surgery, he will eerily resemble Steven Tyler.

Six-foot-tall Shannon Magrane is only 15 years old and wears a size 11 shoe.  (Just for the record, my daughter, Miss Smarty Britches, is only 10 years old and wears a size 11 shoe!)  Shannon's father is Joe Magrane, who played for the St. Louis Cardinals.  She was a very good singer, and got through.  Prediction:  I liked her a lot, and I think she will make the Top 12 because she was very likable.

Amy Brumfield, aka "Tent Girl," lives in a tent and poops in the wood.  I do have to admire her tenacity for finding a way to live within her means instead of being a whiny ass moocher.  She was a decent singer, but not a superstar.

Prediction:  I don't think she will make it to the live show.  Not marketable enough, though she has a "story," and we all know that AI likes a "story."

Joshua Chavis, age 23 from S.C. likens his sound to Chris Daughtry and Brad Paisley.  Yeah.  He lied, or perhaps was delusional.  He sang with a fervor and enthusiasm that would draw you right in if it were not so horrible. So Mr. Sunshine Britches decided to sing another song, which was as horrible as the first. After he was told “no,” he started yelling at the camera and flipping the bird to the audience. So, now we’ve seen the 1st hissy fit of the season.  And isn't that why we all tune in to the auditions?  Prediction:  He will go on to record a horrible and insipid song with Rebecca Black and become an internet sensation.

Stephanie Renae, age 15 from FL has been watching Idol and dreaming of being on it since she was 8. She had a very good voice that will win her high school’s talent show. As she was singing, I said, “Gosh she is nasal.” Then Jlo’s first comment was that she was nasally. Damn, I’m good! Steven yes, Randy no, Jennifer yes.  Prediction:  Not a contender.

Schyler Dixon, age 16 from TN (student and face painter) auditioned last year with her brother, Colton
age 19 (musician and face painter).  WTF is up with the face painting in this family?  Skyler was auditioning by herself this year, but the judges recognized her and requested that she bring her brother in too. Then they insisted that he audition this year because he was sooooo awesome, and almost made it last year and oh yeah sister, you were ok too. Schyler had a gorgeous voice, but she pronounced some words weird. Colton can hit some high notes, but I actually enjoyed hearing his sister more.  But the judges gushed over Colton, and oh yeah sister you were ok too.  But they both made it through.  Prediction:  They will put Colton through this year and leave Schyler out in the bitter, bitter cold.  Much ado will be made about the brother vs. sister angle.

 Lauren Mink, age 25 from KY is a director for an Adults with Diabilities Program.  She had a great smile and a lovely country voice.  Prediction:  I think she will make it to the last round before the live show, and then get cut.  I think the judges are burned out on country since the top 2 last year were both country.

There's one more day of auditions from beautiful Savannah, which will be covered in my next episode!


  1. You are so freaking great at this. I love it. I can't wait till there is a new Amazing Race and Project Runway. You are going to do them, RIGHT!!!!!

  2. Ummmmm, maybe. Let me know when they start. I've always wanted to watch Project Runway, and I can do Amazing Race if there are people I can make fun of. Oh, what am I saying? If it's reality TV, there will be people I can make fun of.